Ever since Rob left on the 4th (and maybe before that) I haven't gotten on the computer much. I just haven't felt like it. I'll get on to check my e-mail, journals and see who's online, but that's it. I don't really even answer text messages (sorry to anyone who's sent me one and I didn't respond back). I've felt real disconnected with life. Maybe I'm indulging it in by being anti-social, or I'm not fighting hard enough to get back in touch. But in any case, I don't know how long this feeling will last.

Last night I went to bed around 12:15 am (totally missed Daniel Radcliffe on Leno!) and didn't wake up until 10 am! 12:15 is relatively early for me, so I don't know why I slept so long. I woke up at 5 for some water, but then I went right back to sleep. I'd go to the doctor to see what's wrong with me, but without insurance, that's hard.

Speaking of insurance...I got the book from OfficeTeam to get my health insurance from them, but I don't have a job with them, so I have no way to pay (plus for what I needed, they were going to take like $30 something out of each weekly paycheck. humph) I have until August 1st to sign up and after that, I have to wait until next July. Unless I get a job between now and August 1st, I won't be signing up.

So yeah...this morning was the first time in a while that I got on the computer and my dad starts telling me to do all this...crap. I had over 1000 e-mails through several different accounts and he's telling me NOW to deal with HIS crap!? That pissed me off and made my inside hurt. And my mom was just standing there like nothing.

Last night, I had this dream where it was like the end of the world, or something extremely bad was going to happen/was happening (the dream before that I was trying to save the world lol and there were these tunnels under my apartment building where 19 chosen people from different places around the world were hidden and it was my - along with 3 others - responsibility to protect them? very weird) and my dad was being a general ass and Ms Marple got out of the apartment and I stood on the porch yelling at the top of my lungs all the reason my I hated my dad and of course this included telling everyone outside about my dad's online dealings. After that, I kind of broke down crying, but I still didn't feel good. I got my cat back, but that didn't help either.

I know why I keep having the dreams about telling my dad/everyone about the stuff that he's doing, but I also know that he's not going to change, so what's the point? I told my mom, she said she "talk to him", but he's still doing it. So what difference is it going to make if I tell him anything? He's still going to do it and I'm still going to hate him. I thought about calling Dr Laura Schlessinger and asking her what I should do, but I don't. Then I thought about writing Ann Landers (Dear Abby), but again, I don't. There's no guarantee I'd get through to either of them for advice...so who do I turn to?

I'm going to find a movie to watch and wait for Marlin & his dad to get here with my lunch.